A common human tendency is “Desire to be loved”. When human evolution begin acceptance from the tribe was necessary to survive. But in the modern world except for the matter of fact, we’re bound by the law, we don’t actually need approval from others to live, to survive.
Why do I need approval from others?
Well, we love it when someone else like us for something. Some approvals are good. You feel good when your teacher approves your project and even gives you a thumbs up. You get happy when your friends cheer you up when you’re playing some game. When your crush gives you compliment over something you are on cloud nine.
So this the simple human emotion we enjoy.
So Where’s the problem in seeking approval from others?
It’s good when someone appreciates you for something. And it’s a sign that you’re doing something good. Whether it’s professionally or personally.
But when you get obsessive about that, then it’s problematic. If you’re only doing things for getting approval from others then it’s problematic. If you’re living your life to please others then it’s problematic. When someone’s disapproval makes you feel sad and disappointed then it’s problematic.
If approval from others messing with your peace of mind then it’s problematic.
When all these things are happening with you, it’s turning out to be addiction approval.
You’re getting addicted to getting approval from others. And you’re going to do anything to get approval from others. It’s a serious problem.
For example
If you’re working somewhere and making a project. You’re constantly asking a coworker about the project.
You’ve made the best project according to you. But your coworker is not liking it. And you’re changing your project. Just because you’re seeking approval from that coworker. It’s restricting your professional growth and affect your self-esteem a lot.
Approval from others keeps us away from living our life to the fullest. We’re not real then. We’re constantly trying to change ourselves according to others. It shows that we don’t value ourselves.
Reasons we don’t actually need approval from others.
You see if we don’t value ourselves. Nobody is going to value us.
We always look for validation from others, which makes us weak, dependent, and a person with low self-esteem.
We become a slave and they become our masters. In that condition we’re not what we’re, we are what our masters think we’re.
We don’t actually need approval from others because we’re whole. We have got a different life. Our own life. We can’t live according to other people just because we want our surroundings should be favorable to us. Believe that you don’t need any validation because you’re not a part of the herd. We need to be authentic. We need to be real.
We don’t need to fool ourselves.
We don’t need to lie to ourselves.
You can get respect from people when you’ll respect yourself first. And you can’t get respect when you constantly need approvals from them.
How to stop the need for approval from others?
You can never progress in life if you don’t live your life according to you. If you’re living on approvals, you’re stuck in the chains of validations.
Once you’ll break these chains, you’ll have a whole new world of your own. Where you’ll get enormous potential and progress in every aspect of life.
Train your mind and follow the process.
Re-frame the situation and negative aspects
Suppose you prepared a project and you’re about to give a presentation. You’ve done your best from your side. But you’re worrying constantly that what my project manager will say? What if my colleagues will not agree with my points?
Change your mindset and reframe your thoughts and situation in your mind.
Say to yourself so what, it doesn’t matter. I’ve tried my best and I don’t care about people’s opinions. What if the projects manager liked it the most. What if my colleagues will get an inferiority complex by seeing my project. No matter what I’m not going to get affected by anything.
So re-frame the situation from negative to positive. You’ll feel better and much confident in any aspect of life.
Say no
Don’t feel guilty saying no the situations which are not good for you. Respect yourself enough to say no, when you really want to. No might make them upset or angry for a time being but it will make you free. You don’t need to worry about what other people will think.
Speak your mind
Don’t hesitate to keep your opinions among others. Remember one thing you can’t make everyone happy. And people have a right to disagree too. Everyone thinks differently. Keep your thoughts, stick to your decisions and opinions. And it’s better to understand everyone’s opinion. You’ll learn from that.
Accept Reality
Know your personality trait. Know that you always need validation. And it’s not good for you.
Understand that it’s a problem. And you need to fix it. Work on yourself to get over this approval addiction.
Just think you’ll be easy and light when you’ll throw this addiction out of your mind. Be at a place where approval and judgment of others don’t mess with your peace of mind.
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